Kids please don’t think that it’s unusual or special to be dating someone with whom you can watch netflix and eat pizza and hold hands and also have hot sex with
It concerns me when I see millions of notes on a post that’s like “fuck me hard but also be sweet with me”
Like what kinds of relationships are you in that you think this is a revolutionary thing to ask
None. The answer is none.
why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”
OH MY GOD
i went into the bank and asked what day it was and the teller said “march 26th” so i asked “and the year?” and she kinda looked at me for a second before saying “2012”. i threw my hands up in the air and yelled “IT WORKED” before turning to leave.
THEN AS I WAS JOGGING OUT OF THE BANK SOME OTHER DUDE CAME UP TO ME LIKE “HOLY CRAP, YOUR MACHINE WORKED TOO?” AND WE HIGH FIVED AND RAN OFF.
WHAT IF HE WAS ACTUALLY A TIME TRAVELER
NEED MONEY FOR COLLEGE
NEED COLLEGE FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR MONEY
WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS SYSTEM
NEED EXPERIENCE FOR JOB
NEED JOB TO GET EXPERIENCE
NEED CAR FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR CAR
GOTTA EAT TO LIVE
GOTTA STEAL TO EAT
TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GOT THE TIME
ONE JUMP AHEAD OF THE SLOWPOKES
ONE SKIP AHEAD OF MY DOOM
NEXT TIME GOTTA USE A NOM DE PLUME
It got better